Heart on the Sleeve: What is friendship and who are our friends?

 

 Life is not just about being born, earning your bread, getting married, having a family and eventually waiting for death. A huge part of life that defines who we are or that has a potential of defining who we are is our friendships. Man is born to his parents and loves them because of that reason, loves his siblings for the same reason and the fact of sharing a childhood and loves his children since he gave birth to them. On most of this front, choice is secondary, which is why it becomes germane to understand what kind of relationships man forms which are based on choice. One such relationship is friendship.

 

Friends are the family man chooses and the family that, if chosen well would not leave him to the end. But, as life happens and man understands that friendships can be complicated and sometimes, he is better off without his friends, the fundamental question that remains unanswered: who is a friend? One good way for man to answer this question would be to ask himself what kind of a friend he is, because more often than not man expects way too much but gives too little. If man were to have examined what kind of a friend he has been to others, how far has he gone to help others and what kind of attributes has he brought to the table, the world would have been a better place.

 

At the same time, it is absolutely crucial to understand that while it is important to be a good friend, it is important to read between the lines when someone is not taking equal efforts to preserve the relationship and to remember that there isn’t much choice in family, but there is a complete choice in friendship: the choice to subsist, to take more effort than usual to preserve the relationship or to walk away when it no longer feels the same way. Cutting off toxic people from life who disguise as friends is important, but identifying toxic behaviours within the self is just as necessary.

 

If man has the tendency to shut people off from his life, he will be irritable, lack trust in others and even in himself. If someone happens to be friends with this kind of a person, it will do some good to understand where they are coming from, comforting and reassuring them that they won’t be left in the lurch, but taking a clear stand when things go wrong and when the expectations from the other side are too much. Being a friend works both ways, you give friendship and get friendship in return.

 

Rumi said that, “if you have a real friend, you don’t need a mirror”. It is insightful especially in today’s times where we are looking for a reflection of ourselves but run away at the first sight of the same reflection. Friendship is also remotely connected with karma, that is why we see good people with lesser but true friends and people who call everyone they meet their friend and have to deal with difficulties all alone.

 

All in all, the old adage always holds true. If you are looking for a good friend, be one.

 

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Author: Ms. Radhika Sunil Vaidya. 

E-mail i.d:   radhika.vaidya98@gmail.com

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